Twinking / Try to NOT Upset the Parents

I feel like a bad friend today.

I've come to understand that matching is painfully difficult for some people. It doesn't bother me. Maybe because I grew up dirt poor, and we were lucky if our hand-me-downs were presentable. Maybe because my girlfriends used to try to match.
But I usually try to respect other people's feelings.

I was just making conversation.

"Ohh, I love your blazer. I need one." (I lost my black blazer in Pennslyvania)

"Um, uh I got it at Wal-Mart."

I had assumed Courtney had given it to her, and didn't think buying one was an option. But knowledge is power...

So the next week I bought one. And have carefully avoided wearing it around our mutual friends.

Just in case...

I got in trouble that way once. Sort of. Well not my trouble but it was a guilt trip lemmetellya... A different day. A different girl.

I was trying on hoodies.

"I have that one." she said.

"Does Rusty mean something? Is that someone famous? I really don't want to wear someone's name."  Everyone laughed at me and said no.

(I'm no skater chic. PacSun isn't my style. I was only looking because they were $5.)

I pulled it off the hanger, and tried it on, but she cringed so I asked, "Do you care if I have the same hoodie as you?"

And she said, "No."

But she didn't mean it. And I knew that, but bought it anyway.

She griped a little about 'twinkin.' Was a two-sided jacket. Designs on one side and purple on the other. Upon asking, she said she only wore the purple side outside, so I determined to wear the other side.

--2 weeks later--

"You have a jacket just like ____" It was her mom, "Why aren't you wearing it on the pretty side."

"Well ___  doesn't like to match." I said it matter of fact, then I caught her mom's face and said, "I really don't care though, I like this side."

She went all mama bear, but the other way around. "Honey you wear it on the pretty side! Turn that inside out right away!"

It was very awkward. And I tried to explain that I really was fine with the other side. And said I hadn't been told not to match.

But the next week the daughter was all, "I'm sorry." (I'm sure her mom fussed at her.)

It's no crime to not want to match.

Awkward.
Drama.

Bla. It isn't even a very cute hoodie.

Of Biking and My Awesome Neighbors

'The Bicycle Girl'

That's what some of my neighbors call me. When I'd not ridden for a while several of them mentioned that they'd been praying for me and had requested prayer at their small family church because, "We knew something was wrong."

Last week I met one of them in town at a car show, "This one." He said turning to my friend, "We usually see her 2 or 3 times a week." Then turning to me, "Where have you been?"

"My bike. It has a flat."

"I have an air compressor. Come by anytime when you see me working outside, and I'll blow it up for you."

I would say I was surprised, but I wasn't. They're neighbors and it was like him to offer.

"Sweet! Thank you! It's not just flat; it has a hole. I can fix it, but do you have water?" Was trying to find out if I needed to lug a bucket or just carry my patch kit...

Yesterday when I came home from work, Mom said, "There's a surprise for you in your room."

A new small sturdy air compressor with blue air tubes.

From my neighbors.

Tell me I'm not the only one.

"So are you going to that church in Maryville tonight?" Daniel asked Sunday.

(My sister and brother-in-law are very worried about my singleness. They think I will meet a guy there...)

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm broke out."

"Let me see your face." It was a demand not a question.

"Two Pimples. How tragic." Shalom said sarcastically. "That is nothing. You're freaking out over two pimples. Don't you normally get a few every month?"

"No, I don't! I use a face mask a few days before and stay clear."

So I went to my usual Sunday night church, Bethesda (And yes there are handsome guys there, but they've seen me at my roughest already, so it doesn't make much difference...)

Still I did not hang out afterwards. Even though I was asked a lot of times, and one of the guys said, "Come with?" in a sad begging little boy voice. Begging is better from masculine men.  :)

Do you let your bad hair/skin day get in the way of your life?

I tell myself that sometimes its ok--Just not all the time. And I'm not allowed to completely avoid everyone non related to me just because I don't feel pretty.

Sisters and Weirdness & 'Just Friends' Friendships

Jumped off on this random story, so decided to give it a separate post.
Has been years since I did this, but I still think it's funny.

---

It had been a few weeks that my sister Shalom thought I had a crush on one of my guy friends. (I actually did, and do, adore him but you know not 'like that'.) She wouldn't come right out and say "I think you like _____." But was always saying little things to that effect, and looking all sly and saying, "I know a secret," or "I know who Esther likes," anytime I was around him or his name came up.


After a time I decided to play with her. Partly because I decided it would be funny and partly because I preferred her not to figure out who I actually did like, so she couldn't embarrass me by accidentally announcing my personal preferences to the world. (See previous paragraph.)

So...

When they were both around I would pretend to like him. Not enough for him to think I liked him but just enough to lead her on. (Honest it didn't take much. I just looked at his face a little longer than other peoples and smiled benignly anytime he said anything. I only had to do that when she was looking at me.)

(I can't remember who he was in love with at the time, but it wasn't me. And he didn't notice, and I didn't hurt or confuse him, because he didn't notice... And I would not hurt him. And it's wrong to hurt people just for my own amusement. I know that.)

After a month or so she started to say, "Yeah I've known for a long time that you liked _______."

I would answer with, "No. Just as a friend. It's not like that."

"You can't fool me." She would reply.

Leah thought it was really weird.

I thought it was really funny.

Probably my humor is warped. Not like perverted warped, just all the twists and turns of my psyche are odd.

Hmmm

Of Stepping Stones & White Out

It is painful to be white-outed out of your life. But if your part of our friendship was solely based on your plans for a relationship with my brother it was only a stepping stone to the path your parents had chosen for you.

Rather than a real friendship.

Stepping stones aren't of themselves bad things, and walking on them isn't evil, but people aren't stepping stones.

At least they shouldn't be.

Congrats on your new boy, new future, new life, and new friends.

Bye

Cancer again

The next week I was walking by and saw Tyler standing by himself holding Becca's purse, "I heard about your mom. How is she? How are you?"

He told me, "It doesn't look good" He said, "It's all I can do to get up in the morning."

I told him I had been praying for his mom. It felt trite and forced, but it was true and it was a good thing to say (I guess.) I stood there semi awkwardly for a few minutes before I walked away.

I think I did pretty well there, for not knowing him and all, but that was almost the last thing I said to either of them.

Wondering what I should do besides pray. I can't fix things, and I know that God can. I know God can comfort people better than I ever could,--

--but I also know that we aren't supposed to leave everything to God...

Remembering those times when I was hurting and certain people said or did just the right thing to make my heart feel a little better.

I would like to be that person.

But its hard to know how to not just stand there awkwardly. It's hard to know what to say to people.

Cancer

"I need you to Pray, Tyler's mom has cancer," Becca told me yesterday her face was streaked with pain and tears.

The girl with her was relieved for a chance to get away and hurried off. (I can understand that to a point; raw emotion and streaky eyeliner can be awkward.)

Mostly for me, though, it's just hard to know what to say or do.

I listened to jumbled words and phrases like, "Don't know what to do." "It's spreading" and "Nine months to live."

I stayed, but I'm not sure if I was very comforting.

I don't know his mom.

or him.

We say, "Hi," on ocassion, but thats about it.

I know that he's 17.

I know Becca loves him, and I know that they are both hurting a lot.

Because 17 is too young to be imagining life without your mom.

And I do care, but I'm not so good at showing that I care.

Becca is not sad like she used to be sad (imo.) But how are we supposed to love people like they need to be loved?
----

?

But I used to be worse.

Once Upon a time, (When I was 15/16)

One of my friends left state to live with his uncle. His family had lived 2 houses up from mine all my life and before he left Susanna and I hang out with him all the time; we would sit on his bed, and we talk about all sorts of interesting things for an hour or two almost every other weekday.


We were stunned when he left without even saying bye.

The next time I saw him (3 months later) I was at a youth camp, and he came over to me, but said he could only stay a little while --had to go home and see his family. I promptly left my clique of friends to eat lunch with him.

Before we started eating our soggy hamburgers he asked, "You missed me didn't you?"

I did not say yes.

Instead I said, "No. How dare you leave us without saying bye! How could you expect me to miss you after such a horrible non-goodbye?"

He explained that neither his family nor himself knew he was leaving until the day before. His uncle needed help and everything was sudden for him too...

(I actually already knew that.)

While we ate our burgers he was constantly teasing me about how I had definitely missed him "very dreadfully," and asking, "Why don't you just admit it?"

And I consistently denied missing him.

He knew I missed him, and I knew that he knew I missed him, and I was fine with him knowing I missed him. But still I just couldn't say so...

Pathetic I know.

After he left I went to my empty dorm room, swung myself into my top bunk, and stared blankly at the ceiling thinking, "There is something the matter with me. This is my friend; I love him. And I couldn't even tell him I missed him."

(I had a crush on a brown eyed guy from GA at that time, Just platonic love for Micah C. We were always just friends. For the curious people. Lol...)

So I lay there for a while thinking about how strange and warped I was, then I decided, "I might be messed up, but I can be fixed. I'm going to learn how to do this."

Everyone is capable of change. Some people just choose to pretend they are stuck because, "I was born this way." They see their hang ups and say, "Yeah well that's just not something I'm good at. That's not me."

It's better to be all, "I'm not good at this. I need to work on it." Then do it.

(I'm awesome like that.)

....Usually, but it's a lot of work

I keep expecting them

(the naked people) -so I can hide them (of course.)

Let me explain:

I have best friends who believe it's wrong to be on social networking sites. One told me she deleted her account. Her (current) pastor preached a sermon against Facebook and Blogger and MySpace--against all the social networking sites. She said he had 12 points/reasons with Bible verses for each one.

But they have a website, and do email. (?????????)

I asked to see the verses, then added, "If your pastor doesn't mind sharing his notes we would like to see them... If you are uncomfortable asking don't feel obligated though."

She said she would, but didn't. (And it's ok. You don't have to chase the guy down and ask for his notes. I realize that could be awkward.)

Then later someone told me, "I deleted my account because of all the naked people pictures. They were really really bad for my mind."

"Oh uh... yeah. That is actually a really good reason."

I thought back to girl(space)friend's pictures who my friends added to Facebook while I was at their house. And they were all, "She wears that? I would expect her to dress better. This is awkward." (I know her and would expect her to wear a bikini, but not to post pictures in it. Something is very skanky about posting full body bikini pictures of yourself to networking sites. Even if you wear them it seems like a person could at least pretend to be doing something fun or funny in the picture, so it doesn't look like such an obvious plea for attention...)

"Couldn't you just delete the people posting the pictures?" I asked, (That’s what my other friend did; Accepted then denied her all in just a few minutes.) "You don't have to add everyone. And you can delete them if you're uncomfortable with what they post."

"It wasn't so much my friends, I could hide them, It was all the face-book adds on the side." Then my friend described practically naked girls (except for strategically placed hair or something) laying in bed and staring up at them on the side of their page."

"Oh... I don't know anything about that, but sounds like a good reason to quit facebook to me." I winced inside, and decided to maybe not get a facebook page after all.

I asked Jeff Scott (my co-worker, preacher friend) about it, "You don't have naked people on your page. Is there a way to block bad advertisements?"

He said those adds do show up, but you can click on "like" or "dislike" under each add, and they'll tailor the advertisements to your preferences.

So yeah, I'm awkwardly waiting for the naked people...

To the right of my wall is a dark headed, slightly balding, man staring longingly up at me (it's some dating site advertisement.) I can see the top of his scrawny shoulders, but yeah nothing provocative. Just weird. (Maybe my being 24 makes a difference in the pictures they are trying to lure me with?)

In the world, but not of it.

-Esther

If Anyone Is Gonna Violate My Privacy,

-It's gonna be me.
-
I just joined facebook.

Decided it would be easier to keep up with my out-of-state friends there. Plus a few people were starting to ask about things that I had been up to, and I was like "Yeah, but how did you know."

"Facebook. There are pictures of you." or "_______ was talking about it on facebook."

I wasn't going to tell anyone I was there until I had a picture up. You know a real picture of myself not the hugging character I found in an online search, and I don't know how to tag myself... (What is that thing called? Does it have a name?)

Somehow 30 people had invited me to be their friend by the next day (Not sure who a few of those people are though... And one lady, who I am friends with, keeps giving in detail info about her ob/gyn visits. Nastiness...)

For the last few years random people have tried to get me to join, and I've always been, "Yeah, sure, I will sometime, but don't expect me to live there."

I'm telling you this, so you're not sad if I don't poke you enough, or comment on your wall often enough. Doesn't mean I don't love ya. Just means I don't plan to spend a lot of time there. (And if I start obsessing I will delete myself.)

So you should forgive me for not friending you sooner.

And for being an absent friend in our future facebook friendship.

(I adore the tackiness in that last line.)

Pretentiously, Esther

H's & K's (In which I unintentionally hurt half of everyone)

Quietly freaking out over the chaos, and considering not posting my next scheduled post, because it's not completely all happiness & candy.

Still I am not (currently) planning to remove the last post.

But you are definitely due an explanation. Please do me a big favor and read this for now.

I did not tell anyone that she had to wear a skirt to 6 Flags or to my house or to any other place. I didn't write that on my blog either. If you thought I said that, please reread that post. I've not edited it at all.

I didn't realize it was taken that way until someone referring to my blog told me, "I don't think people shouldn't be allowed to do things with the youth group just 'cause they don't wear skirts."

And then all the comments sounded like that also. (I have them texted to me automatically, so I had read them but couldn't reply for a while.)

You should reread what I wrote. Maybe you mixed up my h's & k's.

I told her to wear jeans. (And now a quarter of everyone else is mad at me.) I did ask her to wear a shirt (as in a blouse or a top that wasn't spaghetti strap, and didn't show boobs.) and I made sure to point out that I didn't know if most other people cared... (And maybe asking her to wear a shirt is just as bad to you. I don't know.)

But she asked me.

Honestly there would've been more of a requested dress code if it had turned out that the youth pastors drove the van as they were thinking about doing. I don't think that it's wrong to have a dress code for church activities.

In fact, I wouldn't have thought it would've been wrong for a person to answer the question with "If it's a youth trip thing pastor would prefer for you to wear a skirt." (I didn't say that, I'm just saying I think it would've been ok.)

I know about 5 years ago when a friend, from our church, and I were about to go to VA with the pastor's family he asked me, "Does she know how we dress. Did you talk to her about that?"

I guess my take on it was; it would be less awkward for her to hear it from me than for me to tell her to talk to the pastor.

But I'm not totally sure where he is at now. I will call and ask to talk to him & his wife about this, and ask how he would want me to handle this in the future if it comes up.

Also
Just because someone lives differently doesn't mean they think they are better than everyone else...

It's really hard to know what to say to people.

Trying to figure out where I'm at and where I need to be.

She asked, and I didn't know what else to say. Sigh.

6 Flags. And yeah, it's been a long time ago.

My mind (today) is like the above sentences; scattered & disorganized & only understandable by me.

 So lemme try to put this to words:

---------------------------------------

I have this friend; and she is awesome.

We don't do everything quite the same way, but that's not unusual. I have lots of people who don't think quite like me. I'm ok with that.

(Girls are just naturally evil, stab-other-girls-in-the-back, creatures. They have to work on being nice.) I like to keep the nice ones as friends when possible.

We had been planning this trip to 6 Flags. We hadn't yet figured out if the youth pastors were driving the church van or not, or planned a meeting place, and the tickets hadn't been bought... But was partly planned.

So anyway, this friend and I, just the two of us were on a church pew talking about the 6 flags trip, and she asked, "Is there going to be some dress code or something?" Then she said something about having to wear long black dresses.

I took a breath, then, said, "Um yeah I don't think long black dresses are really required, [awkward laughter] and you should just wear jeans, but wear a shirt, and actually it would be good if you wear a shirt at my house too, and maybe when we do things together with my family, but honestly I don't know where everyone else is at."

And it made her sad, and it was horrible...

But she just quietly said "Yeah, actually I was joking."

I'm not sure if she meant she was joking about asking about a dress code or just joking about having to wear long black dresses...

-And I'm not sure what I should've said or should not have said.

I wasn't sure if 6 Flags was going to be a 'youth group thing' or not. We had asked Andy and Lisa if they would drive the church van. (If they did it would've been. If not it would've just been some of us hanging out.)

When we do something as a youth group we are always given a speech about how the girls are to wear skirts past their knees, and the boys to wear pants, and that there are to be no shorts, tank tops, or cussin'... (Actually I don't know if shorts are still on the list or not...)

Several of the girls wear jeans anyway, and it's not made a big deal of...

--------------------------

And now at church our pastor has started preaching about how some of his church people needed to stop telling people what to do, and how to dress.

And a few comments have been made to me.

If we are not to tell people what to do for fear of offending them. What do we tell them?

I could, if it is preferable, just tell people that they must talk to the pastor...

 Trying to figure it all out...

Edit: I did talk to Bro Anthony & Sis Shelia, and he said he was trying to preach that, we need to not force all of our convictions onto other people's lives. Long sleeves in particular, which are something he wears always, but doesn't want his church people to be ordered to do, and doesn't require of his family either.

He said it wasn't my responsibility--to have to ask a certain dress code of everyone else, that he wouldn't require it of me--but it was ok for mom to require it at her house, and for me to request a level of modesty for an activity I'm planning.

So he was OK with me :)

Weddings = fights & family fueding? (I didn't know this)

I had been asked to help seat people at my friends wedding reception Saturday.  The bride had made place-cards and a list showing where everyone was to be seated. Four ladies were requested to help people find their tables. Yes, it was odd escorting men to their seats, but was an honor pointing out that I was a favorite friend :) I handed my elbow off (as a joke) and held my chin high lol.

The people I was helping had warned me that they expected fights & family feuding, but I laughed it off. People don't do that at weddings.

Most of the people were members of an affiliation that I had briefly considered joining (Do not tell Lisa lol.)

Half of them were talking about how they "Don't expect this marriage to last" and some of them were openly talking hatefully about the bride. And she is nice.

A few threw a fit about not being seated with their cousins or something whining, "She's splitting up family's," they said, as if she asked them to divorce a wife or husband.

I told them, "It was unintentional; I'm sure." Then looked at the chart to see what was happening.

"No she didn't put husbands at different tables than their wives, but she did seat all the single people together," (which did seat them away from their family.) I don't believe it's possible to divorce your aunt but you can try...

Then they pursed their lips and angrily declared, "No! It probably was intentional," while the other offended parties nodded their heads bitterly.

If there are 25 people in your extended family then yeah you all probably aren't going to fit at an 8 person table. You can call it "Splitting up families" all you want but unless we throw the bridal party off, then double seat the bridal table with your people there's no way you're all gonna fit together...

I did move them to the tables they wanted to be at. (One of them, being single, was supposed to be at my table lol. So she was gone.)

My table people (the ones that stayed) were all very charming. I enjoyed their company immensely.

Guys Get No Validation

Later that day we were sitting in a circle and talking about love and getting married etc. (lotta talk no action that's us lol) and it came up how several of the (older) girls, me included, are forever talking about marrying the tall blonde boy.

"You need to wait until he is 18; After he is 18 you can all fight it out." his brother said.

I gulped inside; Surely he doesn't think we are serious about marrying him. 8 years man. I am 8 years older than him--8 years is the life of forever. At least since he is still a teenager. (Older and more mature people can have a bigger gap.)

So I said "Yeah well [He's] pretty, but it's not like that."

The Tall Blonde Boy cheerily said "Thank you Esther," (referring to the pretty comment.)

"--Pretty! Don't call [my brother] pretty! Pretty is too girly!"

He was right of course.

"I don't usually use pretty for guys, but what about beautiful?" I asked. (I do regularly call guys beautiful, but not where they can hear. Its' just like when talking to another girl about a guy and am like, 'Yes, he is beautiful'.) Was just curious to hear a guys take on that.

"No that's just too much," answered the brother.

"Well what do you call guys?"

"I don't call them anything. I'm just like, "Man you need a shower; you stink...."

"Sexy Beast' that's what Toby calls me. Or ravishing--Ravishing; that's what I'm going to start calling guys, 'man you really look ravishing today' "The Tall Blonde Boy chuckled, and grinned.

I suppose I could write, "How sad that it must be said so over the top; that a compliment must be a joke in order to be said at all."

--But it would be really weird to me if the guys started telling each other "You look really cute today" or "That color brings out your eyes. You should wear it more often."

Too bizarre. Girls say that kind of things to guys or to each other. Guys say that to girls. But to each other....

So yeah....

I'm un-happy with the status quo.

But also un-happy for my brothers and guy friends to not be getting the affirmation and ego boosts that they often need

Life's not fair.

Today I am feeling very sorry for boys.

They must have such hard lives.

Guys can't wear pink or purple unless brave enough to deal with gay jokes. They can't hug or complement each other. And they are so hairy.

(Yes, I am aware that I am using broad generalizations here.)

But I wonder if they naturally think like that or if they've just warped themselves to meet expectations....

So anyway, I was watching the guys Sunday, and said "Oh, Wow, Hey, they just were 'real hugging' each other. They usually just lean as far away from each other as they can and give a quick pat on the back."

The girl next to me said, "Yeah I think they feel obligated because of the whole 'love one another' sermon thing."

"I dunno" I thought "I mean, it’s just a hug. Can't be so awful of an experience for them...."

Later someone asked them; Me, or Her, or Someone Else--I can't remember.

Only two answered,

"Yeah we felt forced."Both nodded their shaggy head and widened their eyes melodramatically in puppy dog like anguish. (They are very alike to be so different; those two boys.)

"It was terrible."

I guess some of them did feel obligated, but surely hugging between guys is not always, I'm only-doing-this-because-I-have-to." Do they really think like that? I'm sure some guys, like some girls, prefer to not be hugged. But as a rule you know 7 out of 10. I don't buy it.

I do expect them to prefer hugging girls. Being a girl I would rather hug a guy than a girl. Only makes sense.

And not to want to be hugged all the time, or by everyone; I understand that.

But a hug is nice...
Surely even for guys.... Maybe just once in a while?

So anyway next subject...

Pink Flowers and Lace and Men

I don’t think it’s wrong for guys to wear pink.

Yet I can understand why some people believe it is wrong; why they see it as blurring the line between masculinity; Why they think it feminizing a man. I can see how you think.

But look at it this way.

I currently have a pink flower in my hair. I wear flowers in my hair, because they are pretty, and because I feel girly or feminine when I wear them.

A guy that I know (And, yes, everyone knows which guy) often ends up tucking flowers behind his ears, and leaving them there for an hour or two. He is quite straight, and it's not a huge deal to me, though I prefer it not be done in public when I am with him. But some of our friends find it to be totally "gross and revolting." (Their words. Not mine.) I disagree.

I also have an older brother who loves flowers; His wife was laughing about it recently and told me, "He likes flowers more than I do."

In my opinion it is completely ok for my brother to like flowers, but I would be disturbed if he started wearing shirts with roses and carnations on them, or hair flowers. That is somewhat strange. (Those guy are not sinning in their choices. I did not say that. Do not tell them I said mean things about him.)

God created flowers; I’m sure he thought they were beautiful. (1st Kings 6:35 says there were flowers carved onto the doors of the house of the Lord and, in Song of Solomon 5:13 the woman compared her beloved's cheeks to sweet flowers and his lips to lilies.)

Also flowers are not immodest; wearing them won't make me (or him) responsible for causing others to lust.

--But wearing them (In today’s culture, and minus a few like the garish Hawaiian shirts and lovely Hawaiian Lei’s) is generally considered girly. This is a non-Biblical culture thing; the Bible doesn't say, “Men are not to wear flowers, on their shirts or in their hair.”

Still I think guys shouldn't be wearing hair flowers or blouses covered with pink lace roses. It doesn't look good because it doesn't look straight.

What is the difference with wearing pink shirts and pink hair flowers?

It's a culture thing in my opinion. Our culture is accepting of pink shirts on straight men. Our culture is not accepting of hair flowers on straight men.

Some people associate pink with women; they think men seem girly or feminine when wearing it. But really what is the difference with wearing pink shirts and pink hair flowers?

Not much.

Not much at all

Pink Is 4 Girls; Blue is 4 Boys (Or is It?)

For years (in our culture) pink was considered a girls color, and mostly only women, and openly gay men wore it. But it’s now quite stylish for straight guys to wear pink.

Not long ago, I sat in a church service under a pastor, who I respect, and he said in his sermon that Christian boys have no business wearing pink; that it was wrong.

I have guy friends who love their pink shirts. I also have friends and family who think only girls should wear pink. Some think, “It’s not wrong; it just doesn’t look good.” And others have said, “Yeah, a pink button up is fine, but a pink T-shirt is just girly.” A few, like my pastor friend, believe it’s a sin to always be avoided. (He is, BTW, a completely awesome pastor. I'm not trashing him.)

I think if God thought it important that only girls wear pink he would've said something specifying that in the Bible. On the other hand I believe we should try not to give other people wrong perceptions.

If you are a boy and if how you talk, or look, or act often makes people question your masculinity, you have a problem. --Even if you’re not gay.

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. (1st Corinthians 6:9-10 KJV)

(Gay men are often effeminate, but effeminate does not have the same meaning as homosexual; It means having unsuitable feminine attributes.)

The Bible does not say anything against any gender wearing any particular color. But the Bible does say: "A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the Lord your God." (Deuteronomy 22:5)

What defines an item of clothing as pertaining to a man or pertaining to a woman?

I believe that 10 years ago wearing pink might have ‘pertained to a woman’, I believe that back then, when at a glance you would be labeled feminine for wearing pink, it was best for straight men to avoid wearing the color.

--But pink never belonged exclusively to women.
The color isn’t intrinsically feminine.

I don't think it's wrong for men to wear the color when (most) people no longer associate it with femininity.

We are told to, "Abstain from all appearance of evil" 1st Thess 5:22

But Jesus also talks about how people will talk about you no matter what you do:

For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine; and ye say, He hath a devil.

The Son of man is come eating and drinking; and ye say, Behold a gluttonous man, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners!

But wisdom is justified of all her children. (Luke 7: 33-35)

Sometimes ya just gotta live your life; quit worrying about all the gossip.

But hey if you believe it's wrong to wear pink please don't wear it. You can always tell your friends that pink is scientifically proven  to be more appealing to women. But if you do that you should also tell them that science also says that blue is more appealing to men.

Blue is my favorite color.
Not that it matters.

Curls & Boys & Pink

My curly headed guy friend was complaining about his hair. The texture was a little off I think.

"What do you use on it?" I asked

"Gel"

"What kind?"

"Just regular gel" he said

I don't expect any guy to start using weekly hot oil treatments or caring about the protein Vs. moisture balance of their hair. (Most girls don't even do that--Just me.) Would be surprised if he would take the time to even use a leave-in conditioner before gel, but even just the kind of gel you use makes a huge difference on how well your hair does--especially if you are curly headed.

"I'll buy you a good gel," I said.
I went home and looked closer at my hair stuff. Most of my gel bottles are a mix of 4 or 5 different products (I mix things until I get the texture, hold, shine, and slip just right for my hair). I only have one unmixed gel (actually the bottle says styling lotion, but whatever...) It's a clear syrupy serum; works amazingly well...Its perfect--no changes were necessary.

Unfortunately I can't buy him that.

It's a pink swirey bottle called got2be 2 Sexy. (The round bottle--It's gotta be the round bottle.)

In between writing and posting this (was waiting on a pic of my gel); He had his curls chopped off. His hair still looks nice, and I quite like it; I imagine its a nice change for him, but I hope he eventually grows them back.

In the meanwhile... What do I buy the boy.


I told him I would.


Hmm.

hugging

2 Hug or Not 2 Hug: That is the question


It’s good for me to be hugged, and I love being hugged. (This totally excludes some people. I don't want everyone touching me.) I think its ok for me to hug guys. Just so I'm not all over them… And to the side. Guy hugs should be to the side probably. Not like I always do that but...

Anyway I don't usually worry about hugging girls. (If you sleep over, and spoon me in bed though it will creep me out.) And if you are tall enough that your breasts will be in my face, please accept a side hug... Ugh gross.

So to my story...
A year or two ago a girl friend told me, "I don't enjoy being hugged."

I can't remember the whole conversation, but we talked about it for a short while, then I asked, "So is it ok if I hug you anyway."

I guess I decided that she was broken, and I would just hug her anyway and eventually she would be better.

Anyway she said she was fine with that.
I forgot all about it. Hadn't been thinking farther about it, but a few weeks ago I reread her blog profile. Among a bunch of random things about her was "I don't like hugs"

I was like "Hey, she told me that." Then I determined that I would stop hugging her.

So I haven't been hugging her.

Then yesterday at church I walked over to sit by her. I made a mental note not to hug her. BTW she looks like someone who should be hugged. (How to explain her sad little girl face???)

Anyway it was all good. (As Toby would say.)

So after service she reaches over to hug me.

I was like, "Hey, you know you don't have to hug me"

She looked at me quizzically, so I continued, “I know you don't like hugging people. I don't want you to feel obligated to hug me."

She laughed or smiled or something "Its ok" she said "I just don't attack hug people. If I initiate the hug it’s ok."

Maybe we're good because I don't attack hug people. (Did I used to? Awkward.) Maybe she likes hugging people now. She hugs people all the time, but is still kinda...... I dunno....I should prefer not to make people uncomfortable.

Bounderies

Was a nice to-the-side hug, but the whole belly rubbing thing...

"Yeah, I think my belly is off limits." There, I said it.

Had been trying to work up the nerve for a couple of months.
Had been trying to remember how this got started in the first place.

--Was probably me; Poking him in the side.*

I made a mock swipe at him "But I'll totally poke yours."

"That’s kind of hypocritical; don't you think." Said a girl in front of me.

I grinned, "[It] was a joke. I didn't touch his belly."

The guy laughed it off, "She just doesn't want to be tickled."

But it’s cool. He understood, and wasn't mad. Appreciated even, that even though I was serious about not being touched I was willing to make a joke, so that people didn't think I was calling him a pervert.

I'm not very ticklish. I really don't mind the feeling of having my belly patted or poked. (Ok, ok, I like it. It makes me happy.) I'm just not so sure that my guy friends should be touching my belly. (Or me touching theirs).

Boundaries are good. I made some for myself when I was about 11 because other people needed them. I made some for myself when I was 16, because I needed them.

Side Tangent on Fat Rolls below:

*(Why do I think it’s ok to poke or pinch guy’s sides, but not ok to touch their bellies?) This guy doesn't have any fat left, but I love to pinch people’s fat rolls--I don't know why. It's very weird. (Fat rolls are not attractive to me. I just like to pinch them. And only peoples fat who I know very well.) Maybe I will stop; just in case it makes people cool with rubbing my belly.

PS. Just this week Jessie offered to get fatter so she would have fat rolls for me to poke. "I'll just eat a lot and stay up all night! Then I'll be fatter! And you can poke me!" I will totally poke Jessie in the side when she gets fat rolls. Jessie, you were serious right?


--Happiness