Today I am feeling very sorry for boys.

They must have such hard lives.

Guys can't wear pink or purple unless brave enough to deal with gay jokes. They can't hug or complement each other. And they are so hairy.

(Yes, I am aware that I am using broad generalizations here.)

But I wonder if they naturally think like that or if they've just warped themselves to meet expectations....

So anyway, I was watching the guys Sunday, and said "Oh, Wow, Hey, they just were 'real hugging' each other. They usually just lean as far away from each other as they can and give a quick pat on the back."

The girl next to me said, "Yeah I think they feel obligated because of the whole 'love one another' sermon thing."

"I dunno" I thought "I mean, it’s just a hug. Can't be so awful of an experience for them...."

Later someone asked them; Me, or Her, or Someone Else--I can't remember.

Only two answered,

"Yeah we felt forced."Both nodded their shaggy head and widened their eyes melodramatically in puppy dog like anguish. (They are very alike to be so different; those two boys.)

"It was terrible."

I guess some of them did feel obligated, but surely hugging between guys is not always, I'm only-doing-this-because-I-have-to." Do they really think like that? I'm sure some guys, like some girls, prefer to not be hugged. But as a rule you know 7 out of 10. I don't buy it.

I do expect them to prefer hugging girls. Being a girl I would rather hug a guy than a girl. Only makes sense.

And not to want to be hugged all the time, or by everyone; I understand that.

But a hug is nice...
Surely even for guys.... Maybe just once in a while?

So anyway next subject...

hugging

2 Hug or Not 2 Hug: That is the question


It’s good for me to be hugged, and I love being hugged. (This totally excludes some people. I don't want everyone touching me.) I think its ok for me to hug guys. Just so I'm not all over them… And to the side. Guy hugs should be to the side probably. Not like I always do that but...

Anyway I don't usually worry about hugging girls. (If you sleep over, and spoon me in bed though it will creep me out.) And if you are tall enough that your breasts will be in my face, please accept a side hug... Ugh gross.

So to my story...
A year or two ago a girl friend told me, "I don't enjoy being hugged."

I can't remember the whole conversation, but we talked about it for a short while, then I asked, "So is it ok if I hug you anyway."

I guess I decided that she was broken, and I would just hug her anyway and eventually she would be better.

Anyway she said she was fine with that.
I forgot all about it. Hadn't been thinking farther about it, but a few weeks ago I reread her blog profile. Among a bunch of random things about her was "I don't like hugs"

I was like "Hey, she told me that." Then I determined that I would stop hugging her.

So I haven't been hugging her.

Then yesterday at church I walked over to sit by her. I made a mental note not to hug her. BTW she looks like someone who should be hugged. (How to explain her sad little girl face???)

Anyway it was all good. (As Toby would say.)

So after service she reaches over to hug me.

I was like, "Hey, you know you don't have to hug me"

She looked at me quizzically, so I continued, “I know you don't like hugging people. I don't want you to feel obligated to hug me."

She laughed or smiled or something "Its ok" she said "I just don't attack hug people. If I initiate the hug it’s ok."

Maybe we're good because I don't attack hug people. (Did I used to? Awkward.) Maybe she likes hugging people now. She hugs people all the time, but is still kinda...... I dunno....I should prefer not to make people uncomfortable.

Bounderies

Was a nice to-the-side hug, but the whole belly rubbing thing...

"Yeah, I think my belly is off limits." There, I said it.

Had been trying to work up the nerve for a couple of months.
Had been trying to remember how this got started in the first place.

--Was probably me; Poking him in the side.*

I made a mock swipe at him "But I'll totally poke yours."

"That’s kind of hypocritical; don't you think." Said a girl in front of me.

I grinned, "[It] was a joke. I didn't touch his belly."

The guy laughed it off, "She just doesn't want to be tickled."

But it’s cool. He understood, and wasn't mad. Appreciated even, that even though I was serious about not being touched I was willing to make a joke, so that people didn't think I was calling him a pervert.

I'm not very ticklish. I really don't mind the feeling of having my belly patted or poked. (Ok, ok, I like it. It makes me happy.) I'm just not so sure that my guy friends should be touching my belly. (Or me touching theirs).

Boundaries are good. I made some for myself when I was about 11 because other people needed them. I made some for myself when I was 16, because I needed them.

Side Tangent on Fat Rolls below:

*(Why do I think it’s ok to poke or pinch guy’s sides, but not ok to touch their bellies?) This guy doesn't have any fat left, but I love to pinch people’s fat rolls--I don't know why. It's very weird. (Fat rolls are not attractive to me. I just like to pinch them. And only peoples fat who I know very well.) Maybe I will stop; just in case it makes people cool with rubbing my belly.

PS. Just this week Jessie offered to get fatter so she would have fat rolls for me to poke. "I'll just eat a lot and stay up all night! Then I'll be fatter! And you can poke me!" I will totally poke Jessie in the side when she gets fat rolls. Jessie, you were serious right?


--Happiness