Sisters and Weirdness & 'Just Friends' Friendships

Jumped off on this random story, so decided to give it a separate post.
Has been years since I did this, but I still think it's funny.

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It had been a few weeks that my sister Shalom thought I had a crush on one of my guy friends. (I actually did, and do, adore him but you know not 'like that'.) She wouldn't come right out and say "I think you like _____." But was always saying little things to that effect, and looking all sly and saying, "I know a secret," or "I know who Esther likes," anytime I was around him or his name came up.


After a time I decided to play with her. Partly because I decided it would be funny and partly because I preferred her not to figure out who I actually did like, so she couldn't embarrass me by accidentally announcing my personal preferences to the world. (See previous paragraph.)

So...

When they were both around I would pretend to like him. Not enough for him to think I liked him but just enough to lead her on. (Honest it didn't take much. I just looked at his face a little longer than other peoples and smiled benignly anytime he said anything. I only had to do that when she was looking at me.)

(I can't remember who he was in love with at the time, but it wasn't me. And he didn't notice, and I didn't hurt or confuse him, because he didn't notice... And I would not hurt him. And it's wrong to hurt people just for my own amusement. I know that.)

After a month or so she started to say, "Yeah I've known for a long time that you liked _______."

I would answer with, "No. Just as a friend. It's not like that."

"You can't fool me." She would reply.

Leah thought it was really weird.

I thought it was really funny.

Probably my humor is warped. Not like perverted warped, just all the twists and turns of my psyche are odd.

Hmmm

Of Stepping Stones & White Out

It is painful to be white-outed out of your life. But if your part of our friendship was solely based on your plans for a relationship with my brother it was only a stepping stone to the path your parents had chosen for you.

Rather than a real friendship.

Stepping stones aren't of themselves bad things, and walking on them isn't evil, but people aren't stepping stones.

At least they shouldn't be.

Congrats on your new boy, new future, new life, and new friends.

Bye

I'm Jealous

Is not that I mind her having a car. I don't even mind him buying her one.

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When my oldest sister started driving Dad bought her a very ugly Volkswagen to drive. (I think I even remember wood paneling) Anyway when it was wrecked he bought another ugly Volkswagen, which was promptly wrecked. (I can't remember who wrecked which Volkswagen. Dad wrecked one. Anna wrecked one.)

Btw I have great memories of sitting in the back of those Volkswagen with all my older sisters & all the Gordon girls. (Yeah all of us--That was before seat-belt laws I think.) Anna would buy us pizza at Little Caesars, and we would split cokes. It was awesome.

Next Dad bought an ugly gold diesel car that we named The Rattletrap. Anna drove that until she was married, then she left that car for my sister Shalom to drive.

Shalom wrapped The Rattletrap around a tree, so he bought her another car. Something blue and sporty that hung a curve really well...(Thankfully.)

I can't remember when that one died. Josh says it was having problems before Shalom got married, but I don't think it died until a few weeks later. Transmission problems we were told... Anyway I drove it for that few weeks.

And then...

Yeah, actually nothing.

I worked for a year until I could afford a car. And I was the loser who rode with her friends everywhere.(But my friends loved me, so it was ok.)

And, well yeah, I was jealous, but I was just kinda, "Oh well. Such is life."

So this week Mom called me, and said, "Hey can you bring Leah home right away. Dad found a car to maybe buy her, and wants to make sure she likes it."

The car is hers to drive, but she can't have it unless she wants to commit to paying for it in the future when she has money.

My parents said, "Well it needs to be this way, because we did it this way with all the other girls.

So now I am all thinking, "And what was I? A boy? (Because the brothers didn't get cars either. Lol.)

So yeah anyway.

In which I weird people out by remembering their names

I have a really good memory. Not numbers like dates or times, but events and details

I can usually pull an event or conversation from my mind instantly; sometimes fun stuff, sometimes just mundane useless stuff. Or other times I remember something awkward & cringe, and am all 'Bla stupid me. I'm gonna avoid them forever.'

Weirds M. out for me to remember the story about his ex-girlfriend and her ex fiancé and put all the pieces together to figure who and what he is talking about, but he told me and now I remember. It's not like I am emotionally attached to them. I just know the story, because I've seen so many puzzle pieces that my mind put the pieces together...

Yeah this is a rambling post..

Last week at a social event I saw a girl who was in my cabin for a week at a youth camp some years ago. She was friendly (back then), though it was awkward to be in a clique that actually didn't talk to anyone except for the few people deemed 'cool people'. (In defense of myself I always abandoned them for an hour or so every day to talk to other people. That makes me a nice non-cliquey person right?...)

At any rate I recently saw this girl, so I said hi.

Seriously just, "Hi how are you [Name of person]."

She asked, "Where do I know you from?"

And I told her "Yeah _______ youth camp. It's been a long time ago."

Then she gave me a look that said you-are-really-weird-why-are-you-talking-to-me, and said "Yeah, I was 12." Just kinda, 'Why do you remember me? I don't remember you.'

I thought 'Sweetie, I just said hi. It’s not like I asked you to be my bridesmaid.'

Is somewhat awkward I guess to not remember a person’s name if they don't remember yours, but was more than that. Maybe I am not considered 'cool enough to talk to' now lol.

Then a guy who I had met years ago was at this wedding and was introducing himself to me and I said "Yeah I think I met you once actually." Then thought, 'ugh I hope he is not like that girl. Why didn't I just say my name?"

And he was just "Well is really nice to get reacquainted." And it was cool.


But yeah

Life is Not the Same

[April 2014 Edit]

Look my first post!

I copied it from an email to a friend who requested my life story.

I had wanted to start a blog for a while, but getting started was hard, because I expected the perfect opening post, and that kept me from writing. So finally I threw this up knowing it was a start, and feeling like a thief, (It's my story, though awkward...)

We're still friends even though I don't see you much though, right?

You should now though. If you want to. No obligation. No best friend opening atm either, but definitely room for a friendly hello with my family--who have no reason to dislike you, since you haven't done anything bad, that I know of. (I'm sure there are bad things though, that I don't know of lol.)
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Life has changed since I was younger. When I was younger I spent a lot of my free time outdoors, or being teased by the neighbor boys about how my husband will marry me only for my cooking. [Micah C I have a whole lot more to offer than that, but you're the best. I appreciate how you found a way to love me in the way I needed to be loved at that time, despite my fear of affection. You've been a better friend than you know] I had a lot more time for playing with friends, and alone and a lot less responsibility.

I played sports almost everyday when I was younger. I have had lots of swollen eyes from poorly thrown—or poorly caught—softballs, busted lips from hard-passed basketballs, and bruised shins from playing rough soccer. My older brothers strung extension cords through the woods and hung up lights so we could have a lighted volleyball court below the house. They lopped the branches off tree trunks to use for light poles. [I tried to get pictures of my battle scars, but no one would take them.]

I grew up in a great neighborhood where everyone knew each other, and people seldom locked their doors, (Maybe because we had nothing material to steal.) We hunted sassafras in the woods, and have a pond/small lake behind our house where we used to swim. (I'm too much of a wimp now to deal with the mud and seaweed.) We all had bicycles, and would try to put as many of us on one bike as could fit, then see how long we could ride before crashing. We usually did pretty well: two kids on the seat, one standing and pedaling, one on each of the wheel bolts, and one on the handlebars was standard, but I think the best we did was 7 kids to a bike. I can't remember where we put the last person. (Someone remind me if you remember.)

Rain was a lot of fun when I was younger. I remember walking in the muddy rivulets after a heavy rainfall. I showed the little kids how to create several-inch-thick ‘shoes’ made out of red clay mud sticking to the soles of our feet… One rainy year at youth camp A friend and I created a fad that resulted in everyone destroying the grass on an entire camp ground. (Ask me about it sometime it’s a great story.)

I thought it was great fun to wash my hair in the rain when I was little; now I choose to disregard how frizzy the rain will make my already-not-perfect curls and enjoy my walks to the mailbox at work, because the only time I’m in the rain anymore is when I’m on my way out of the rain, toward my destination.

Growing up I spent hours outdoors. Now I take my 30 minute lunch break outside. When I get home around 6:15 I have thirty-eight and a half tasks I need to finish. Responsibilities take a lot of time.

Life is not the same; things are more complicated. People have changed

I look around my group and some of the faces are different. Most of my childhood friends are in all different places and stages in life. Several have moved out of Tennessee. Most—like me—have crazy busy schedules. A few have become so different that we have little in common aside from memories.

Sometimes I miss the simplicity in my relationships with the kids that I grew up with: there's so much more busyness in everyday life now. I have to schedule time to spend with people. Maintaining friendships takes so much more work.

Life is more complicated. There’s also a lot more drama and hidden emotions. We are trying to sort everything out. Everyone wants to know where our lives are going. Most of us are lonely—not so much for a friendship—but for a romantic relationship.

Life is not the same; that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Life is still awesome.

I refuse to fail to appreciate my life today, while reminiscing about my life yesterday. I don’t have every single person in my life that I used to be close to, however my buddies today are really amazing. The people in my life now are every bit as incredible as the people in my memories. People have changed. Even I've changed, but change isn't always a bad thing. [Plus God sent some of my strangers with memories back to me.]

I have much less time for group sports, but I still bike and run often. We did have an awesome water fight Saturday; plus we played basketball, and volleyball. The guys ordered pizza and bought ice-cream and root beer for floats. We all sat our tired and sweaty, selves in a group at the oasis building to eat and talk. Wednesday Roxanne, Leah, and I enjoyed weeding the flower beds at church. (Well, Roxy and I enjoy gardening. Leah tolerates dirt; she doesn’t enjoy it.) Tonight Leah and I are frying homemade doughnuts, and we’ll have a crowd at the house. I still hang out.

I will be working at my MDT church youth camp this year: cooking breakfast and helping with the kids. Maybe I will convince them that joining those crazy fads--like wearing their pants inside out--is a bad idea, (another crazy story. I did the scheming not the joining btw). Probably I will just laugh.

I am planning my payback for someone who joined, a little too late, in the ice-cream fight at Dairy Barn. I will have help. My scheme is already in place. This is my warning to Rick.

I enjoy my crazy memories. Sometimes I miss those days, but I don't need to redo anything. I don't want or need to do it all over again, because life is pretty great now also. I’m living a full life. I’m making more crazy memories.

Life is not the same; maybe life is better.

-Esther