Spiders, Football, & Other Girls (the normal ones)

"Guys would like you, if you were more like the other girls." She told me.

"I think, guys like me." I squeaked. (I sometimes I squeak my words when I'm surprised. It's not cute.) I tuned my voice to something resembling normal, then continued, "I mean not all the guys but ..."

"No, I mean yeah, but you're too independent."

"I am too probably." was quickly added (to make me feel better I guess.)

"I think guys like for girls to let them help them," She continued. "And to not be so tough. We should work on it."

'Bla, I would so not have survived my life if I wasn't tough.'

'It's not my fault that I am tough,' I tell myself, then ask, "How do I not accept help?"

I am beyond cool with guys opening doors for me and carrying heavy things. (Btw you are very welcome to do that. It's very happiness inducing.) And set up tents. I will let guys set up and take down tents. And chop firewood and um pump gas I guess....

"You know like the girls who ask our brothers and John to buy them things at McDonald's. Guys like stuff like that. Makes them feel manly."

"You mean ask for stuff!" I inwardly recoil in horror as I begin picturing this. "I am not gonna do that!"  awkward, awkward, awkward.

I am going to stay independent if independent means not asking, "Can I have a dollar", but maybe if I ever fall madly in like again I will give up playing football. That is my concession. That is reasonable.

Was thinking about this conversation Saturday while playing flag football.
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Shifting through my memories:


The 1st time the yellow jackets invaded my room I begged my brothers to kill them.

But Seth was sleeping the 2nd time so I killed them myself--All 18 of them. (1 sting.) But they were half dead already...

I just wanted to let him sleep.
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There was that spider I threw off the picnic blanket on the 4th of July one year. I don't like them crawling on me shudder. The Blonde Boy saw (ugh), I have no desire to impress him with my (fake) afraidness, but wasn't aware he was watching, so I told him "Don't you dare tell people [That I touched the spider and wasn't afraid.]"

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I did buy everyone's meal once, (And that is a very 'guy thing' to do.) but I do have an excuse. Cause all through the meal they were all, "Are you gonna pick up the tab today, Esther" and teased me mercilessly. I did it out of orneriness. Was mean of me I guess. The receipt was all together, so I paid it then left them to feel awkward.

Some of the boys felt very emasculated.

I thought it was funny.

Was years ago, and just once.
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Anyway yeah

April 2014 Edit: My toughness DOES NOT make me any less feminine. I'm sorry that men (and myself) sometimes feel that way. Will try to not make you feel emasculated... But dude grow up.