Please wait until after church to lust after my armpits

“I think ___________does a really good job at not showing her underarms in church,” said a friend to me.

“Guess I've never thought about it” I wrinkle my forehead.

“Well, her sleeves are really short sometimes, but she’s careful when she raises her hands, so her armpits never show during church.”

I wonder to myself, “is this is a lecture about my often barely-there sleeves.” I say “Um, ok”

“Well it’s really best not to show your armpits in church. I sometimes wear short sleeves, but never to church. “

“Because of the underarms showing thing,” I think “hmm, How strange and interesting”.

“I don’t think it’s a big deal,” I shrug my shoulders.

“Guys lust after them. I've always been told that it’s wrong to show my underarms.”

“No” I said, “I think it has more to do with those people finding a way to measure the sleeve; like a cut-off point.” I give an example, ‘If your armpit shows your sleeve is too short.’ Armpits are ugly. No one lusts after them.”

“I think some girl’s underarms are really pretty” Was the reply.

Wow, what to say to that. I mean I know guys who like toes extraordinarily much, and at least one who has a strange thing for ears. Dudes do sometimes tell me I have a cute nose, but armpits, oh Wow, ROTFL! Surely not!

Disclosure: I totally show my underarms on occasion.

FYI: This girl voluntarily told me to blog about this conversation. It makes me really happy, to have a window to talk about the parts of my life that intersect with my friends lives. It's hard to talk about life without talking about other people...

threw off the computer 4 me

I am at the library looking at ebay and blogs and such...

When I got here there at 7:15 there was an empty spot in the internet computers, but the libraian, a little elderly lady with her gray hair up in a loose bun, said, "I think #9 actually has a person on it. We took her slip out, but I think she's just short."

She went to check, "Yes she's just short we need to put her back in."

I was about to wander away to look at books, but she continues, "Lets see who we can throw off."

Huh

She began to examine slips of paper (showing who was on what computers and what time they got there)


"Yes she's been on since 3:00, and this ones been on since 3:30"


The little lady marched away and presumable threw these people off their computers.

Was really funny. Maybe you would've had to be here...

Can't believe they were on for like 4 hours. I checked the history...my-space and you-tube....

Plus the librarian. I would've expected her to say something sweet like "Well maybe someone has been on too long."

I love finding out who people really are.

-Happiness

"[Esther], You Look Homeless"

”You’re not wearing--”, My mother stared in dismay at my jean skirt “--Oh you are! It has holes in it.”

“Were those holes already in there? I wonder if she bought it like that?” she grimaced staring at the offensive rips. “Maybe she made them herself” She continued speaking to my friend instead of to me.

“Did you?” Mom directed her question to me this time.

“Nope. Bought it like this” I replied

“You look Poor and ragged” She didn't mince her words

“No I look comfortable” I countered

“ No you look old and worn out” Carmella agreed with mom, “You look homeless.” She continued.

I could see my mom trying to understand: Why would one of her children choose to wear rags; why would anyone choose to pay for pre-damaged clothing when they had nice clothing already?

“Attention. She’s doing it for attention” She concluded. “People will think you are homeless and then they will give you attention—maybe they will give you food” Mom tried to explain the weirdness to herself and anyone willing to listen.

“--And money” Carmella broke in

“Attention, food and money” I said “Dude I should wear this skirt more often” I leaned contentedly back against the kitchen counter.

“I don’t know about this modern look” Mom said, “ Esther’s always been kind of modern”

Mom kneeled on the kitchen floor inspected the holes close up, then felt inside the skirt, “Ok they have patches behind them.” She stood back up relieved.

“If you were anyone but my Mom. I would've kicked you”

“I wouldn't have if I wasn't your mom” she replied adding, “I hope you didn't pay a lot for it”

--
It is rather strange, and I never have understand the draw of distressed denim either until lately. This month I have become strangely drawn to white thready patches. Its very un-Libbey-like of me; we grew up with plenty of torn clothes, but they were definitely not desired or purchased that way.

(FYE I spent $17 including shipping... I bought it from this ebay seller. Its super comfortable, and really cute, but I did have to resew the backside. It wasn't sewn quite right where her home stitching met the factory stitching; it jutted out strangely. You might not want to buy one unless you are fairly confidant with a sewing machine.)

*My mother did look at the holes without flashing people, or touching my legs, or anything gross--just so you know. She is a respectable mom.