Tuesday, December 1, 2009

H's & K's (In which I unintentionally hurt half of everyone)

Quietly freaking out over the chaos, and considering not posting my next scheduled post, because it's not completely all happiness & candy.

Still I am not (currently) planning to remove the last post.

But you are definitely due an explanation. Please do me a big favor and read this for now.

I did not tell anyone that she had to wear a skirt to 6 Flags or to my house or to any other place. I didn't write that on my blog either. If you thought I said that, please reread that post. I've not edited it at all.

I didn't realize it was taken that way until someone referring to my blog told me, "I don't think people shouldn't be allowed to do things with the youth group just 'cause they don't wear skirts."

And then all the comments sounded like that also. (I have them texted to me automatically, so I had read them but couldn't reply for a while.)

You should reread what I wrote. Maybe you mixed up my h's & k's.

I told her to wear jeans. (And now a quarter of everyone else is mad at me.) I did ask her to wear a shirt (as in a blouse or a top that wasn't spaghetti strap, and didn't show boobs.) and I made sure to point out that I didn't know if most other people cared... (And maybe asking her to wear a shirt is just as bad to you. I don't know.)

But she asked me.

Honestly there would've been more of a requested dress code if it had turned out that the youth pastors drove the van as they were thinking about doing. I don't think that it's wrong to have a dress code for church activities.

In fact, I wouldn't have thought it would've been wrong for a person to answer the question with "If it's a youth trip thing pastor would prefer for you to wear a skirt." (I didn't say that, I'm just saying I think it would've been ok.)

I know about 5 years ago when a friend, from our church, and I were about to go to VA with the pastor's family he asked me, "Does she know how we dress. Did you talk to her about that?"

I guess my take on it was; it would be less awkward for her to hear it from me than for me to tell her to talk to the pastor.

But I'm not totally sure where he is at now. I will call and ask to talk to him & his wife about this, and ask how he would want me to handle this in the future if it comes up.

Just because someone lives differently doesn't mean they think they are better than everyone else...
I had been told some months ago that _______ is terrified of coming into my house after a volleyball game because she wears jeans. And it was very sad, and she is welcome in our house. But we started having bonfires so at least people will have somewhere warm to go if they are uncomfortable inside our house...

We actually had a friend, who wore pants, live with us for around a year or so (And yeah that has been forever ago. Her name is Shelia you might have met her....) I think Mom did ask her to not wear shorts at our/her home though...

I'm really really, really, sorry, & sad if people are uncomfortable with or around me because of how I dress, and I might not always wear skirts forever, but I am not going to wear pants just so that other people won't feel awkward around me.


Anonymous said...

Oh Miss Esther...

I never misconstrued what you said. My comments really had nothing to do with yours, just the idea of having people excluded because of certain things that are seen as 'proper' in one's own eyes (or even a group)are not necessary to have a loving and Wonderful walk with Jesus Christ. I apologize if I seem to have directed my comments at you or ANYONE else... 'twas not the case. I basically just vented my frustrations of things that I HAVE seen in our church with other people. All I wanted to say is that an individual's walk with God is very personal and that along with that come very personal convictions. This is very much understood. Look, I love you and your family and everyone else I attend church with, regardless of whether or not I know them very well, they like me as a person, etc.

I never meant to get things as stirred up as I did. I just felt that the Lord wanted me to make a very GENERAL point. Not pointing fingers at anyone.

All I have is Love for you all.

I don't always claim to be right, and I know that I am certainly not very well versed in the practice of proper attire. All I know is that I don't want anyone to feel excluded from the Family and Body of Christ because of dress, tatoos, or ANYTHING. God has the power to change lives... and if a certain thing is in his Will for you, I believe that the Holy Spirit will guide you to that.

I would've posted all of these things under my own name, but for various reasons, I just didn't feel comfortable doing so. I'm sure you know who I am anyway.
I would hold true to my beliefs speaking to anyone face to face, as I am not ashamed of what I'm saying.

Just know this.
Once again, I LOVE you ALL.
I respect the way all of you choose to live.

So, Esther, don't feel bad. I never meant to sound vindictive or condescending.

Just had something to say.

I hope there is no confusion now.

c said...

ditto to anonymous entirely

Esther said...

I wasn't really sure if you misunderstood me, or church, or religion in general, or what it was you were venting about...

If someone comments here I usually respond to their statement. If I disagree with their statements, that doesn't mean I am at war with them, or planning to exclude them or anyone else from being Christians, or anything like that.

Actually I am still studying the whole issue of skirts Vs pants. I'm not sure what I believe about that. Either way there is a right & a wrong way to dress. (1 Tim 2:9 etc.)

Vain religion is wrong (and there are fakes of course), but religion is not a lie. (James 1:26-27)

The Spirit is there to guide us, but that doesn't void out the Bible or Biblical teaching.

"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine... for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works. 2nd Timothy 2:15-16 (KJV)

You said, "All i want is for Everyone to understand that Christ will welcome them with open arms no matter what they have done or do. That includes dress."

Jesus will welcome people & will a true Christian, but the body of Christ is to help each other grow in the Lord. We not to stay in the place we start.
(Romans 6:1 & 12)

You said you were warning against telling others what to do, but it's Biblical to tell others what to do if it is told in the right way.

Paul said:
"And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing..." 2nd Timothy 2:24-25 (KJV)

Also Titus 2 is specific that older women are to teach younger women. "...to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:4&5)

(One of the meanings of discreet is modest.)

This doesn't mean everyone is going to agree with what is taught, and (according to 1st Corinthians 3:2) some people aren't ready for some teachings.

But that doesn't mean they should never be taught (Hebrews 5:15)

The Bible is a guide; it's there to show us the way that we should live. (Psalms 119)

I've never excluded people based on wearing pants, but I have asked people to dress a certain way, when I planned an event.

For example, when I planned a rafting trip last summer I asked the guys to wear a shirt plus shorts/swim trunks covering their knees or wear pants. I asked the same of the girls except adding that the shirt not be low cut.

And some people didn't like it.
A few complained.

So yes, doctrine can divide people.

(And I do think they are Christians despite preferring less clothes.)

My asking them to dress differently for that day was not a matter of not loving them; It’s just that I am different. Since I was planning it I had a degree of responsibility. And I chose to not expose my family (in Christ and otherwise) to a lot of skin.

Different is not always wrong.

But it can be dividing.

Esther said...

I missed one small but significant word in my last comment...

I said

"Jesus will welcome people & will a true Christian,"

But meant to say Jesus will welcome people & so will a true Christian.

I do believe we are to welcome everyone.