I shall name this post Spots

This is me...

I'm 25. My face shouldn't still be an oil slick.

But...since my sebaceous (oil) glands forgot to notice that I've grown up I gotta work to keep my face clear.

And I do. And it is.

(mostly)

But sometimes I break out :o

When that happens

I don't cry or scream. Thats childish.

Instead I pout. (How mature of me...)

In this pic I have the Proactive refining mask dotted on my face. (I don't use their skincare line; just the mask.)

...But one night I had dotted a little on a couple of breakouts and forgot to wash it off in the morning. So uh... I went to work with spots. "Um Esther you've got toothpaste on your face," Jeff said.

So now I use Mario Badescue's drying cream. They gave me the cutest samples a year ago. (Probably I love the tiny containers more than the products--Weird me.) The drying cream works really well though, It's a little too yellow, but blends with my skin color, so I can get away with wearing it throughout the day. I'll probably buy some when I use up this sample, but it should last another year or two, since I rarely need it.

So Tiny!! See the size comparison with a bobby pin. Adorable!!

------------

"Esther why are you posting this?"

"The pic? To go with my post-- besides you told me to take more pictures."

"This wasn't what I had in mind when I told you to start taking more pictures."

"My cheeks are cute anyway. Look how fat they are."

"Avoidance. You are avoiding the subject."

*Sigh*

"Is it really a good idea to mention all your skin care stuff? Shouldn't you pretend to never do anything and still have perfect skin?"

"You want me to lie?!!" *gasp*

"Omitting those things isn't lying; it's tact--and you know it."

"Get over yourself. It's a funny picture."

"Whatever, ok keep the picture, but it's more than just about the picture... You should think about it. Didn't one of your mentors tell you to never tell anyone about any of your flaws?"

To be continued

"--Um No. Not to be continued.."

"I wasn't talking to you."

---
The best thing about arguing with myself?
I usually win.
The worst thing... I tend to lose

Fears: (Not like I have them or anything, but I can always write about other people's...)

At church last night after the preaching Pastor said people who were struggling with fear should come up to the altar to pray & be prayed for.

"I probably should go," my friend said with a frustrated sigh, "But I really don't want to."

"Want me to go with you?" I asked. "Because, you know, I will."

So we walked up there, and yeah it was actually a little awkward.

Except for a few people everyone just bunched up and prayed for other people because they didn't have the nerve to admit that they wanted/needed prayer their own self. They were afraid to admit that they are afraid I guess.*

'People will think I am battling fears. Hmmm,' I briefly tried to figure out what fears they would decide I was fighting. (I crack myself up all the time by thinking about what other people are probably thinking. I'm sure it's not normal, but whatever, it's hillarous.... Click here for a story about my past awfulness on that subject.)

I did actually pray for my friend also.

Then I was all trying to think of something I was afraid of. I went through a list of things people are afraid of and mentally crossed them off. 'Yeah, I'm not afraid of anything.' I told myself then remembered 'Oh. Yeah. That.' I froze inside a little bit then was all, 'Whatever not really. I'm over that now.'

At least mostly

Sisters and Weirdness & 'Just Friends' Friendships

Jumped off on this random story, so decided to give it a separate post.
Has been years since I did this, but I still think it's funny.

---

It had been a few weeks that my sister Shalom thought I had a crush on one of my guy friends. (I actually did, and do, adore him but you know not 'like that'.) She wouldn't come right out and say "I think you like _____." But was always saying little things to that effect, and looking all sly and saying, "I know a secret," or "I know who Esther likes," anytime I was around him or his name came up.


After a time I decided to play with her. Partly because I decided it would be funny and partly because I preferred her not to figure out who I actually did like, so she couldn't embarrass me by accidentally announcing my personal preferences to the world. (See previous paragraph.)

So...

When they were both around I would pretend to like him. Not enough for him to think I liked him but just enough to lead her on. (Honest it didn't take much. I just looked at his face a little longer than other peoples and smiled benignly anytime he said anything. I only had to do that when she was looking at me.)

(I can't remember who he was in love with at the time, but it wasn't me. And he didn't notice, and I didn't hurt or confuse him, because he didn't notice... And I would not hurt him. And it's wrong to hurt people just for my own amusement. I know that.)

After a month or so she started to say, "Yeah I've known for a long time that you liked _______."

I would answer with, "No. Just as a friend. It's not like that."

"You can't fool me." She would reply.

Leah thought it was really weird.

I thought it was really funny.

Probably my humor is warped. Not like perverted warped, just all the twists and turns of my psyche are odd.

Hmmm

I've had that for 7 months and still haven't worn it / New With Tags

Yeah, I buy things and then don't wear them for months and months.

If you were expecting I-am-so wasteful-to-buy-things-and-not-wear-them guilt then you should look elsewhere.
 
I buy out-of -season stuff;  I look for sandals in winter and closed toe shoes in spring.

Leah says, "Even though I know it's a really good idea, buying things off season makes me sad because I can't wear what I buy. It's like I spent my money and got...
                                                                                       ...
                                                                                         ...
                                                                                             nothing."

Me? I love off season sales.

There are 4 new short sleeve shirts that I've had in my drawer since winter. Sure, I've not been able to wear them, but I spent less on all 4 of them than most people will spend on one.

and


2 weeks ago I bought a peacoat for $12; it is still in the bag, still has tags, and is laying on the evil spare bed. I won't wear it for at least 7 months, but I'm still really glad I bought it. I had been wanting a dressier coat for a couple of years.

La la la (That is is happy sound of my heart singing.)

-----

This is such a boring post. Sigh.

Everything I write lately is either too boring or too personal to post. So yeah, today I have given my blog the boring thoughts because it had gotten lonely. Sometimes a boring conversation is better than silence.

Learning to Listen like a Girl

A friend was complaining about me once and said, "If a murder had just killed a person Esther would find something good to say about it like 'Oh at least he didn't splatter blood everywhere'..."

There is a silver lining on every cloud. They say.

I usually find it.
Sometimes I shouldn't.
Because apparently that annoys people.

Sometimes girls don't want to hear about how p(r)etty their problems are or how easily they could be solved. Sometimes they just want you to lay on the grass and listen to them describe the clouds as they float through their life.

I'm trying to learn how to do that.

---

Soda Pop Tab Belt Instructions & Picture Tutorial (Using Ribbon)

You will need

1 Hour

1/4" wide ribbon
pop tabs
candle
matches

You’ll need approx 3 tabs per inch of belt not counting the ties… (This will vary depending on how you cross your ribbons and tabs.)

My ribbon is 1/4" wide from Wal-Mart, ($0.40 for 10 yards on a spool; can't beat that. Just buy a spool of whatever color/s you want.)

Wash and rinse the soda can tabs, then allow them to dry.

Pull off any remaining circle things that attached the tabs to the can

Measure 18” of each ribbon, then knot them together (These 18” will be used to tie the belt)

(Knot at 18 inches pic)

Now measure the waist of your favorite skirt/pants. Double the length of the waist and add that length to the 18” (e.g. skirt waist is 29” so 58” should be added making 76" is the total length of each ribbon) (18 + (29*2) = 76)

Cut both ribbons that length.

Step 1) Slide the 1st tab onto the longer lengths of ribbon before the knot. 

The ribbons should go over the left side of the tab and inside the holes (The smooth side of the tab should be facing up)

The bigger hole should also be up

(anchor tab in place pic)

Step 2) 2nd tab--lay it in place behind the other one. The rough side should face up/toward the other tab.

(2nd tab in place pic)

The ribbon should go behind the left sides of the 1st tab and through the center holes from behind (The smaller hole of the 2nd tab should be facing up. The bigger hole of the 1st tab should be facing up.)

(2nd tab action shot)

(2nd tab side shot)

While stitching through the 2nd tab the ribbon should go through the center hole of the 1st tab

(the back tab will hold it in place)

(ribbon through 1st & 2nd tabs pic)

Step 3) 3rd tab—lay it in place (Pretty side up) (See how the holes overlap?)

(3rd tab in place pic)

For a regular 'stitch' take the top ribbon through the top holes, and the bottom ribbon through the bottom holes

(1st reg top stitch action shot pic)

Finished stitch

(finished reg stitch pic)

If you keep making this kind of stitch, you will have a belt like this on both sides (except the top color will be all one ribbon and the bottom color all the other ribbon)

(reg stitched belt pic)

I make mine with X’s by crossing the ribbons, (because it’s prettier)

Step 4) To make an X stitch take the bottom ribbon, and stitch it through the top holes

(beginning X stitch pic)

Then stitch the top ribbon through the lower holes

(completed X stitch pic)

I usually do regular stitches on one side and x stitches on the other, so my belts can be worn on either side if you want to change things up. But sometimes I mix x stitches and straight stitches.

Keep doing step 2 and step 3 or 4 until your belt is long enough.

You can do all ‘X’ stitches, all straight stitches, or a mix of both. You can also leave all the bigger ends of the tabs facing up for a slightly more fragile—and more delicate looking—belt. (Thats how I did the belt in the top pictures--Aka Sharron's belt.)

So when you have all the tabs you want on, knot the ribbon to your last pop tab. You should have some ribbon left.

Cut this ribbon off at an angle then seal the end by holding up to an open flame. (This prevents fraying.)


Don’t hold the ribbon in the flame; just hold it close to the flame at an angle. You should be able to see the end melt/draw up a bit. Melt the ends of the 18" that are used to tie the belt also.

After the jump more info for picky people like me

3-20-10 7:00 PM

Trying to cope with the shadows of his fear

This is not my battle, yet somehow it is

I don't know what I'm afraid of

Or maybe I do and am also afraid to admit it

Missing not knowing what that was like

Libbey Potty Humor

Spades.

Leah was losing badly. Libbeys, we like to win.

"You sunk. I make you sink" He he he Seth laughed.

"Well you're just a pooper scooper." Leah said mock glaring at Seth and dumping her tricks in the pile to be shuffled before continuing, "You're not even the guy doing the scooping. You are the scooper. The plastic thing--That's what you are."

Seth promptly replied, ""Really? Well guess what you are. You." He left a short dramatic pause before continuing, "Are the poop."

Leah sputtered a bit while we all giggled (Surely she know she was already beaten in this word war.) But she replied, "Well you are the poop still in the horses butt then."

"At least I'm warm." was Seth's retort. "You're all cold and chunky."

Of Stepping Stones & White Out

It is painful to be white-outed out of your life. But if your part of our friendship was solely based on your plans for a relationship with my brother it was only a stepping stone to the path your parents had chosen for you.

Rather than a real friendship.

Stepping stones aren't of themselves bad things, and walking on them isn't evil, but people aren't stepping stones.

At least they shouldn't be.

Congrats on your new boy, new future, new life, and new friends.

Bye

Dating Vs Courting

When I first started attending my current church I was startled by how many references the pastor made to courting. He doesn't talk about it much now, but back then was at least every week if not every service.

One day I was at a fast food restaurant with some people from church. I was sitting quietly when suddenly a boy (the P.K. actually) turned to me and asked, "Do you believe in dating or courting?"

I barely know you... I thought glancing his shoulder to see the pastor intently listening. Awkward, uh, what to say, what to say. I shifted through my thoughts...

• A: The boy I like lives in GA and I like him, but I don't want him."
• B: 'My dad wouldn't want me to date yet anyway."

or '

• C: "I'm happily flirting with everyone right now?'  

No. no one understands A without a detailed explanation. (And I so wasn't giving a detailed explanation.) B would be completely uncool for the boy to hear and C would be way awkward for the pastor to hear.

So I just said, "I don't know yet."

He was suitably impressed by my honesty, and the pastor gave me a friendly-understanding-but-perhaps-somewhat-disappointed smile from behind the boys shoulder before turning away.

My (then) best (church) friend and I always wondered what exactly courting meant--To the pastor. I mean he always preached about it, but what did that mean? Definitely meant no sneaking off to make-out at youth camp lol, but what did you do?????

So we asked.
Actually I asked.
I can't remember exactly what he said.

Sorry.

You'll have to ask for yourself.

---------

Some years later in the middle of our 10 millionth discussion about dating Vs courting the same guy turned to me on the way home from this 6 flags trip. "So what do you do if you haven't decided yet [if you want to marry the person]?"

"You date them to find out." I replied.

Nuff said.