Thursday, October 21, 2010

"PS: I'm Married" -not me

All the single people at one table. Couples who are friends together. Family's with kids together... (wedding seating arrangements.)

The brides high school best friend was assigned to a 'married-but-spouse-isn't-here-table'. When the other guests assigned to that table moved, and there were extra seats at the singles table, she came to sit there with us. (She knew me a little bit, and didn't know anyone else at the reception...)

One of the guys started talking to her. Not all, "Yeah baby you're hot." Just tastefully flirting--maybe he wouldn't call it that--but he was definitely interested in her, and had singled her out from across the table, was trying his best to keep her conversation, kept asking questions about her life, and was teasing her a little, you know... flirting.

Flirting is acceptable if you're single, or if you're flirting with your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend.

But when you're married you shouldn't be flirting with people other than your spouse. And even if you're not married yourself, you shouldn't flirt with someone who is.

But she's pretty. He was attracted to her. That wasn't wrong of either of them.

Across the table she tried to get the point out. She started her sentences with, "My husband and I..." and "At my wedding."

"I'm only catching pieces of what you are saying." He leaned eagerly over the table toward her.

She put her hands on the table and started playing with her wedding rings, and holding them to the light to admire them.

It took a while, but finally he realized she was married. His eyes got big and he pulled back. But she left him with his dignity. And that impressed me.

I picture myself saying something blunt and horrid like, "By the way I'm married stop flirting with me."

What's sad is that Leah's first words when we were talking about it was, "Yeah you would say 'Dude I'm married. Quit flirting with me'. or something horrid and rude like that."

I'm going to learn tact.


Amy Lizzy said...

Wedding seat arrangements can easily be awkward!

Good perspective, thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

tact can be overrated.being yourself is more honest. i like brutal honesty over "read between the lines" tactfulness any day of the week. maybe i'm just too stupid to read between the lines