Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Life is Not the Same

[April 2014 Edit]

Look my first post!
I copied it from an email to a friend who requested my life story.
I had wanted to start a blog for a while, but getting started was hard, because I expected the perfect opening post, and that kept me from writing. So finally I threw this up knowing it was a start, and feeling like a thief, (It's my story, though awkward...)
We're still friends even though I don't see you much though, right?

You should now though. If you want to. No obligation. No best friend opening atm either, but definitely room for a friendly hello with my family--who have no reason to dislike you, since you haven't done anything bad, that I know of. (I'm sure there are bad things though, that I don't know of lol.)
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Life has changed since I was younger. When I was younger I spent a lot of my free time outdoors, or being teased by the neighbor boys about how my husband will marry me only for my cooking. [Micah C I have a whole lot more to offer than that, but you're the best. I appreciate how you found a way to love me in the way I needed to be loved at that time, despite my fear of affection. You've been a better friend than you know] I had a lot more time for playing with friends, and alone and a lot less responsibility.

I played sports almost everyday when I was younger. I have had lots of swollen eyes from poorly thrown—or poorly caught—softballs, busted lips from hard-passed basketballs, and bruised shins from playing rough soccer. My older brothers strung extension cords through the woods and hung up lights so we could have a lighted volleyball court below the house. They lopped the branches off tree trunks to use for light poles. [I tried to get pictures of my battle scars, but no one would take them.]
I grew up in a great neighborhood where everyone knew each other, and people seldom locked their doors, (Maybe because we had nothing material to steal.) We hunted sassafras in the woods, and have a pond/small lake behind our house where we used to swim. (I'm too much of a wimp now to deal with the mud and seaweed.) We all had bicycles, and would try to put as many of us on one bike as could fit, then see how long we could ride before crashing. We usually did pretty well: two kids on the seat, one standing and pedaling, one on each of the wheel bolts, and one on the handlebars was standard, but I think the best we did was 7 kids to a bike. I can't remember where we put the last person. (Someone remind me if you remember.)
Rain was a lot of fun when I was younger. I remember walking in the muddy rivulets after a heavy rainfall. I showed the little kids how to create several-inch-thick ‘shoes’ made out of red clay mud sticking to the soles of our feet… One rainy year at youth camp A friend and I created a fad that resulted in everyone destroying the grass on an entire camp ground. (Ask me about it sometime it’s a great story.)
I thought it was great fun to wash my hair in the rain when I was little; now I choose to disregard how frizzy the rain will make my already-not-perfect curls and enjoy my walks to the mailbox at work, because the only time I’m in the rain anymore is when I’m on my way out of the rain, toward my destination.
Growing up I spent hours outdoors. Now I take my 30 minute lunch break outside. When I get home around 6:15 I have thirty-eight and a half tasks I need to finish. Responsibilities take a lot of time.
Life is not the same; things are more complicated. People have changed
I look around my group and some of the faces are different. Most of my childhood friends are in all different places and stages in life. Several have moved out of Tennessee. Most—like me—have crazy busy schedules. A few have become so different that we have little in common aside from memories.
Sometimes I miss the simplicity in my relationships with the kids that I grew up with: there's so much more busyness in everyday life now. I have to schedule time to spend with people. Maintaining friendships takes so much more work.
Life is more complicated. There’s also a lot more drama and hidden emotions. We are trying to sort everything out. Everyone wants to know where our lives are going. Most of us are lonely—not so much for a friendship—but for a romantic relationship.
Life is not the same; that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Life is still awesome.
I refuse to fail to appreciate my life today, while reminiscing about my life yesterday. I don’t have every single person in my life that I used to be close to, however my buddies today are really amazing. The people in my life now are every bit as incredible as the people in my memories. People have changed. Even I've changed, but change isn't always a bad thing. [Plus God sent some of my strangers with memories back to me.]
I have much less time for group sports, but I still bike and run often. We did have an awesome water fight Saturday; plus we played basketball, and volleyball. The guys ordered pizza and bought ice-cream and root beer for floats. We all sat our tired and sweaty, selves in a group at the oasis building to eat and talk. Wednesday Roxanne, Leah, and I enjoyed weeding the flower beds at church. (Well, Roxy and I enjoy gardening. Leah tolerates dirt; she doesn’t enjoy it.) Tonight Leah and I are frying homemade doughnuts, and we’ll have a crowd at the house. I still hang out.
I will be working at my MDT church youth camp this year: cooking breakfast and helping with the kids. Maybe I will convince them that joining those crazy fads--like wearing their pants inside out--is a bad idea, (another crazy story. I did the scheming not the joining btw). Probably I will just laugh.
I am planning my payback for someone who joined, a little too late, in the ice-cream fight at Dairy Barn. I will have help. My scheme is already in place. This is my warning to Rick.
I enjoy my crazy memories. Sometimes I miss those days, but I don't need to redo anything. I don't want or need to do it all over again, because life is pretty great now also. I’m living a full life. I’m making more crazy memories.

Life is not the same; maybe life is better.
-Esther

9 comments:

Jes said...

It's awesome that you can live today without regreting the past. (Not that I do, I was just saying)

I am still unemployed, and with minimal responsibilities, but I can already see people I was so close to, drifting farther and farhter away. (Or perhaps it is I that is drifting)

I suppose that is how life is though. Personally, standing from my point of view my life is better than it was even if back then it was more simple.

I am closer to the Lord, and the friends I have now are much better for me spiritually than the old ones.

well, anyway...lol....

Esther said...

Yeah, life changes and some people drift apart, but life is good. I'm definitely not a I-want-to-stay-a-little-girl-forever person.

We do have awesome people in our group. Once in a while I'll think about it and I'll be like." Wow I have awesome people in my life--Thanks God,"

Were you there when Caleb testified about how he likes belonging to our group? He said, "I found my kind." (It was hilarious to me; it made me think about animal species and how in 'Ice Age' the sloth kept sorrowfully telling Manny, the mammoth, " You are the last of your kind.")Caleb explained that he never really fit in growing up and how, years ago, one of his friends told him that someday he would find his kind and would fit in. (I guess the friend didn't consider himself Caleb's kind either. Poor Caleb.)I've always considered Caleb a fit-in-anywhere, everyone's-best-friend guy, but maybe it's only because he fits so well with us. Plus everyone's-best-friend people feel lost sometimes too. Anyway it was a neat testimony.

See ya soon.

Jes said...

I don't remember Caleb testifing, lol. But I iwsh I did.

I'm not syaing that you're not awesome. You are Awesome!

I was just making fun of Nathaniel's "10 Reasons I love Blogger" thing.

....I actually like Blogger than myspace myself. Myspace is too um...demanding I guess you could say. Blogger is more like "ahhh let me write down my thoughts while I sip my Starbucks coffe."


You are awesome, and I love you

Jes said...

Oh, and according to a recent, lame chain text, "...did u kno that when u dream of some1 they went to bed thinking about u.." So, obviously, I'm just haunting your family :) Anyway,
Luv you,

Nathan L. said...

Esther, Here is a link to show you how to underline in Blogger. It may be sort of blurry though.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4og403wGwmk

Nathan L. said...

You will have to copy and paste the above link.

Jes said...

Yeah, apologizing, for me, it seems, is harder than praying for someone that God tells me too. Not that I hate praying for people, it's like you are just sitting there and God tells you to go pray for this random person ALL THE WAY on the other side of the church who is SITTING down. And im like grrrrr nooo. But I do, and I feel better. But aplogizing, especialy to someone I'm not overly fond of (i love Seth, don't get me wrong, it's just grrr) seems a gazillion times harder to me.

I remember when you used to play dodgeball with us for a bit. I don't think Seth hurt my feelings as so much as I was just so overwhelmed it was like a breaking point or something stupid i cannot handle like that.

I think I still need to cry. Everything seems to be caving in on me, and tis the worst feeling when I know I can't stop it.

<3 Jessie

Jes said...

Wow. That was one long comment, lol!

"...It's also important, at times, to let someone know they are hurting you. Sometimes people need that..."

You're right, it's just I know Seth didn't mean it like lashing out at me (most of the time anyway), and because I know that it doens't motivate me to tell him when he really does hurt me.

(And like I mean if he did really hurt me, I would be afraid to say something and it just be out of anger) Perhaps I'm just a little over sensitive, lol.


I think he was really weirded out after I apologized, and was like stand-offish in a way for a couple of days, but I think we've both kinda mellowed out.

I mean, this whole thing with SW, and my Grandaddy dying, it just feel awful, but I was thinking about what Bro. Anthony said this morrning. When you pray over soemone like to get saved, and then everything seems to be happening to them, and we say,"Oh the devil's just attacking them" when really it's God trying to make their heart soft like, yeah.

So maybe that is kidna what happened to me. Not to get saved, or anything, or even that anyone prayed for me, but because I was hurting so bad, I stayed in the alter way longer than I would have if I was just like "Wow, my life is so perfect, and I'm on the mountain, and everything." (my life , when all is good feels almost perfect when I'm drenched in happiness).I think becuase I was broken, I was leaning on God more so than if I wasn't.

It's truly sad that I have to have a "my whole world's falling apart" type senerio to make my heart soft, but if that's what it takes, I suppose that's what it takes.

But anyway, I'm so much better now, and I'm eternaly grateful for you being there, Esther. I've never had such good friends before. But thanks for holding me when I was sorrowful.

I'm glad I have a good sister that cares about me like you do. Luv you,

<3 Jessie

Esther said...
This comment has been removed by the author.