Wednesday, November 25, 2009

It's really hard to know what to say to people.

Trying to figure out where I'm at and where I need to be.

She asked, and I didn't know what else to say. Sigh.

6 Flags. And yeah, it's been a long time ago.


My mind (today) is like the above sentences; scattered & disorganized & only understandable by me.

 So lemme try to put this to words:
---------------------------------------

I have this friend; and she is awesome.

We don't do everything quite the same way, but that's not unusual. I have lots of people who don't think quite like me. I'm ok with that.

(Girls are just naturally evil, stab-other-girls-in-the-back, creatures. They have to work on being nice.) I like to keep the nice ones as friends when possible.

We had been planning this trip to 6 Flags. We hadn't yet figured out if the youth pastors were driving the church van or not, or planned a meeting place, and the tickets hadn't been bought... But was partly planned.

So anyway, this friend and I, just the two of us were on a church pew talking about the 6 flags trip, and she asked, "Is there going to be some dress code or something?" Then she said something about having to wear long black dresses.

I took a breath, then, said, "Um yeah I don't think long black dresses are really required, [awkward laughter] and you should just wear jeans, but wear a shirt, and actually it would be good if you wear a shirt at my house too, and maybe when we do things together with my family, but honestly I don't know where everyone else is at."

And it made her sad, and it was horrible...

But she just quietly said "Yeah, actually I was joking."

I'm not sure if she meant she was joking about asking about a dress code or just joking about having to wear long black dresses...

-And I'm not sure what I should've said or should not have said.

I wasn't sure if 6 Flags was going to be a 'youth group thing' or not. We had asked Andy and Lisa if they would drive the church van. (If they did it would've been. If not it would've just been some of us hanging out.)

When we do something as a youth group we are always given a speech about how the girls are to wear skirts past their knees, and the boys to wear pants, and that there are to be no shorts, tank tops, or cussin'... (Actually I don't know if shorts are still on the list or not...)

Several of the girls wear jeans anyway, and it's not made a big deal of...

--------------------------

And now at church our pastor has started preaching about how some of his church people needed to stop telling people what to do, and how to dress.

And a few comments have been made to me.

If we are not to tell people what to do for fear of offending them. What do we tell them?

I could, if it is preferable, just tell people that they must talk to the pastor...


 Trying to figure it all out...

Edit: I did talk to Bro Anthony & Sis Shelia, and he said he was trying to preach that, we need to not force all of our convictions onto other people's lives. Long sleeves in particular, which are something he wears always, but doesn't want his church people to be ordered to do, and doesn't require of his family either.

He said it wasn't my responsibility--to have to ask a certain dress code of everyone else, that he wouldn't require it of me--but it was ok for mom to require it at her house, and for me to request a level of modesty for an activity I'm planning.

So he was OK with me :)

Monday, November 23, 2009

N8: From Bald 2 Beautiful




N8 with Hannah's hair... (He knows I am posting this btw)

Doesn't mean he is going to grow his hair long....

Several months ago... On a hard day/week a piece of this song--

Was forwarded to me in a chain text.
I loved it immensely; my girl(space)friend didn't know the artist.
Lots of songs pulled up on google search, but I couldn't find it.
Lyrics aren't usually hard to find. Tear.

I decided was some obscure person & gave up. Forgot about it.

But today I happened upon the lyrics with the name of the singer.
Understand, I hate to admit it (looked up the pole dancing thing.) But
Yes, I love this Miley Cyrus song...........It is amazing.

It was written by Jessi Alexander, and her stuff seems clean.
That's what I'm gonna use...

?

----------------------------------------THE CLIMB----------------------------

I can almost see it.

That dream I'm dreamin
But there's a voice inside my head saying you'll never reach it.

Every step I'm taking.
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction.
My faith is shakin.
But I gotta keep tryin.
Gotta keep my head held high.

There's always gonna be another mountain.
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.

Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there.
Ain't about what's waitin on the other side.

It's the climb.

The struggles I'm facing.
The chances I'm taking.
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking.
I may not know it but these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah.
I Just gotta keep going.
And I gotta be strong.
Just keep pushing on 'cause,

There's always gonna be another mountain.
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be an uphill battle
But Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there.
Ain't about what's waitin on the other side.

It's the climb.

Yeah-yeah

There's always gonna be another mountain.
I'm always gonna wanna make it move.
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes you're gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there.
Ain't about what's waitin on the other side.

It's the climb.

Yeah-yeah-yeah
Keep on moving,
Keep climbing,
Keep the faith,
Baby.

It’s all about,
It’s all about the climb.
Keep your faith,
Keep your faith.
Whoa, O Whoa.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

My Sedu Straightening Iron & Rebate Sites

I finally bought a straightening iron. (I gave my sedu to my cousin when she left for school) Had been planning to buy a new one for myself, but was waiting for a good sale. Plus I fried my hair this summer in chlorine swimming pools, and wanted to give it time to recuperate. I gave up & ended up just chopping it though.

(I will soon get to see what my DIY haircut looks like straightened. Eeeks.)

$119, is the reg sale price for the one I bought), but my hair straightened with a cheapo iron looks scary. Hannah W straightened my hair with her straightner in VA one day; it took her forever and a lifetime, then afterwards my hair was monstrously puffy and huge. The pictures & videos are horrifying. May you never see them....

I like that my hair is curly, but I have been curly for months, and am so tired of curls.

I was able to use a $35 off code on Folica.com, when I bought my iron. and will receive a chash back check from Ebates.

So yeah Rebate Sites:

If you've never used any cash back sites, you should try them out; they're easy. I joined both Ebates and Big Crumbs several years ago, and I bounce between the two depending where I'm shopping.

Ebates.com gives a higher percentage cash back for Folica, but Big Crumbs generally pays higher for eBay and allows cash back on eBay gift certificates. [Edit: ebay no longer participates in cashback sites, but they did create their own program--ebaybucks. Sign up for an automatic 2% to be used for future purchases.]

Big Crumbs will credit your paypal acount every month, and Ebates sends a check via postal mail quarterly. (Have been using them for long enough to know that they do work.)

So yeah.

You should sign up.  Click here to go to Ebates  or Click here to go to Big Crumbs

Spiders, Football, & Other Girls (the normal ones)

"Guys would like you, if you were more like the other girls." She told me.

"I think, guys like me." I squeaked. (I sometimes I squeak my words when I'm surprised. It's not cute.) I tuned my voice to something resembling normal, then continued, "I mean not all the guys but ..."

"No, I mean yeah, but you're too independent."

"I am too probably." was quickly added (to make me feel better I guess.)

"I think guys like for girls to let them help them," She continued. "And to not be so tough. We should work on it."

'Bla, I would so not have survived my life if I wasn't tough.'

'It's not my fault that I am tough,' I tell myself, then ask, "How do I not accept help?"

I am beyond cool with guys opening doors for me and carrying heavy things. (Btw you are very welcome to do that. It's very happiness inducing.) And set up tents. I will let guys set up and take down tents. And chop firewood and um pump gas I guess....

"You know like the girls who ask our brothers and John to buy them things at McDonald's. Guys like stuff like that. Makes them feel manly."

"You mean ask for stuff!" I inwardly recoil in horror as I begin picturing this. "I am not gonna do that!"  awkward, awkward, awkward.

I am going to stay independent if independent means not asking, "Can I have a dollar", but maybe if I ever fall madly in like again I will give up playing football. That is my concession. That is reasonable.

Was thinking about this conversation Saturday while playing flag football.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

In which I weird people out by remembering their names

I have a really good memory. Not numbers like dates or times, but events and details

I can usually pull an event or conversation from my mind instantly; sometimes fun stuff, sometimes just mundane useless stuff. Or other times I remember something awkward & cringe, and am all 'Bla stupid me. I'm gonna avoid them forever.'

Weirds M. out for me to remember the story about his ex-girlfriend and her ex fiancé and put all the pieces together to figure who and what he is talking about, but he told me and now I remember. It's not like I am emotionally attached to them. I just know the story, because I've seen so many puzzle pieces that my mind put the pieces together...

Yeah this is a rambling post..

Last week at a social event I saw a girl who was in my cabin for a week at a youth camp some years ago. She was friendly (back then), though it was awkward to be in a clique that actually didn't talk to anyone except for the few people deemed 'cool people'. (In defense of myself I always abandoned them for an hour or so every day to talk to other people. That makes me a nice non-cliquey person right?...)

At any rate I recently saw this girl, so I said hi.

Seriously just, "Hi how are you [Name of person]."

She asked, "Where do I know you from?"

And I told her "Yeah _______ youth camp. It's been a long time ago."

Then she gave me a look that said you-are-really-weird-why-are-you-talking-to-me, and said "Yeah, I was 12." Just kinda, 'Why do you remember me? I don't remember you.'

I thought 'Sweetie, I just said hi. It’s not like I asked you to be my bridesmaid.'

Is somewhat awkward I guess to not remember a person’s name if they don't remember yours, but was more than that. Maybe I am not considered 'cool enough to talk to' now lol.

Then a guy who I had met years ago was at this wedding and was introducing himself to me and I said "Yeah I think I met you once actually." Then thought, 'ugh I hope he is not like that girl. Why didn't I just say my name?"

And he was just "Well is really nice to get reacquainted." And it was cool.


But yeah

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Weddings = fights & family fueding? (I didn't know this)

I had been asked to help seat people at my friends wedding reception Saturday.  The bride had made place-cards and a list showing where everyone was to be seated. Four ladies were requested to help people find their tables. Yes, it was odd escorting men to their seats, but was an honor pointing out that I was a favorite friend :) I handed my elbow off (as a joke) and held my chin high lol.

The people I was helping had warned me that they expected fights & family feuding, but I laughed it off. People don't do that at weddings.

Most of the people were members of an affiliation that I had briefly considered joining (Do not tell Lisa lol.)

Half of them were talking about how they "Don't expect this marriage to last" and some of them were openly talking hatefully about the bride. And she is nice.

A few threw a fit about not being seated with their cousins or something whining, "She's splitting up family's," they said, as if she asked them to divorce a wife or husband.

I told them, "It was unintentional; I'm sure." Then looked at the chart to see what was happening.

"No she didn't put husbands at different tables than their wives, but she did seat all the single people together," (which did seat them away from their family.) I don't believe it's possible to divorce your aunt but you can try...

Then they pursed their lips and angrily declared, "No! It probably was intentional," while the other offended parties nodded their heads bitterly.

If there are 25 people in your extended family then yeah you all probably aren't going to fit at an 8 person table. You can call it "Splitting up families" all you want but unless we throw the bridal party off, then double seat the bridal table with your people there's no way you're all gonna fit together...

I did move them to the tables they wanted to be at. (One of them, being single, was supposed to be at my table lol. So she was gone.)

My table people (the ones that stayed) were all very charming. I enjoyed their company immensely.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Evil Spare Bed

When I get ready, and am trying on clothes, I lay the rejects on my bed. Everyone does that right?

If I have time I'll put them away up before leaving. If not I've always hung them back up before I go to bed. Because I must sleep in my bed, and because I hate ironing. And because I DO NOT PUT CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR.

(Disclosure: When I'm sick I do throw my dirty clothes on the floor.)

Same with sewing. I stick pins in my mattress sheets and cut things, and seam rip bits of jean threads all over the bed, but I must sleep there; so I clean it up.

So it works.

(I should say it worked; using the past tense.)

Because now there is this wonderful bed that I do not sleep on.

When my cousin moved to PA for school I left her bed. I thought it would make her happy. Felt like when she was talking about moving to PA she felt thrown out when the kids discussed putting her bed and dresser in storage. Like "They don't want me. I don't belong here." She is insecure enough already (aren't we all at times), so I thought I'd attempt to fix things somewhat because I love her. So I kept her bed and dresser in my room. I wanted her to come home and feel at home.

I did insist that Roofie(sp?) move to PA with her. (Sorry 'bout that sis. He scared Tuffy.) 'Sides he would'a missed her anyway.

Currently my sewing projects are laying all over that bed. And laundry when I run out of hangers. Sometimes I put outfits there that I plan to wear soon. I had one yellow outfit lying on that bed for 2 weeks! It's ridiculous. It has become my clutter spot.
 
(Why do I accept hanging future outfits over the door-frame of my closet, but freak out by them laying on the spare bed? I make no sense)

I have determined to leave it (the bed) until after Christmas break, but I need to somehow quit viewing it as the place to put stuff...

Monday, November 9, 2009

I'm not always Sad

.


I'm not always hurting. Its just that sometimes when I'm wounded I bleed words onto paper. Writing---it's a band-aid of sorts. Calms me down I guess.

That being said.


My life hurts right now.



Right now as in today and yesterday, maybe tomorrow and hopefully not next week.



After that I will be cured. La la la.




I hope.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Pill

It was very small and white, and apparently had rolled from her purse onto the floor.  (I'm obsessed with small things--It's very strange.) Anyway it was about 1/4 the size of a hole punch, so I picked it up with my thumb and forefinger then set it in my palm.

"Probably for PMS, allergies, or congestion or something" I thought

"What is this? I'm gonna take it."

My friend started freaking out, "No don't! Those are really bad for you! I'm serious they can mess you up bad!"

But it's so cute. "Why do you have them if they are bad?"

"_______ has a prescription and gave some to me."

I shrugged and tossed it in the trash.

I must not have told her I didn't take it because an hour or so later she was still freaking out "You OK? Did you really take that?"

"It's in the trash if ya want it."

I never did ask what it was. Probably something minor but....

Still curious